skeckland1

This road looks familiar… I have been here a time or two.

I am the epitome of the yo-yo dieter. Gain, lose, gain, lose. Time and time again. I know how to eat healthy, I know what I am supposed to be doing. I have lost significant amounts time and again, only to start slipping. Start to catch myself, start to slip again. Soon worrying about my weight is far from my mind and the next thing I know… well, you understand.

I found this site three years ago at my heaviest of heavies. 275, unbelievably. I couldn’t walk up steps without my heart beating in my ears and being out of breath, I was worn out just existing. I couldn’t imagine what life would be like like that long term so I decided to make a change, and I did. Over the course of 7 months I lost 78 pounds. I went under 200, even if it was just barely. I felt good, I wore sizes I haven’t worn in years. And then… I started slipping. I read my posts from back then and I remember how good it felt. But that wasn’t enough, and here I am.

As I have said, I have done this a time or two. Prior to my 78 pound loss I had lost 50 pounds here, 20 pounds there. Back and forth, back and forth. I am a firm believer in doing things right, no diets for me. It is hard enough to maintain a loss with healthy eating, I cannot imagine trying to lose weight and maintain it on a diet that severely restricts what you can eat or is so complicated that you cannot eat a meal without carrying a calculator. I want to be able to be healthy and eat with awareness, not with anxiety that I am “cheating”. I want something that will carry me through the rest of my life, not something that costs me three times the cost of an average meal and will never allow me to go it alone without special supplements or specially purchased food.

I have updated my photo to show me as to how I am now, not how I was during my last journey. I will look like that again soon enough. This time, though, I am going to figure out a way to make it last.

Good morning!!

I just want to thank everyone who left such kind words on my blog about starting over after having gained back 13 pounds. It is never easy to admit when you are slipping, and the fact that everyone is so encouraging is what makes this site such a great support system. It only takes a few moments to give some words of encouragement, but those words can make a world of difference for those who are struggling.

I am back on track 100%, both with eating and exercise. I have started a new food journal, having stopped using mine some time ago. I forgot how great it feels to be doing something to be healthier! And in the three days that I have been back on track, I have lost 2 pounds. (You have to love that initial fast weight drop!).

Thank you again to all those who offered their support. We all need to remember that we are worth the time and effort that it takes to become healthy!

Okay, it’s time to climb back on the wagon, dust myself off, and start again. No more excuses.

I have avoided the scale like the plague, knowing that what I saw would not be good. I have been battling some back and family problems, and have allowed these issues to pull me off track. It was my own decision, of course, but not an acceptable one. I haven’t been exercising recently, and my eating has been terrible. And to my horror, the scale this morning read 210. That’s right, I have gained back 13 pounds!

Ups and downs are to be expected, but this was self sabotage by my own hand. I felt that I had little time to focus on my eating and exercise habits, and have turned a blind eye to what I was doing. No more. I am back on track 100% today, and am beginning my day with a long overdue jaunt on my treadmill. (The fact that my treadmill was beginning to become a storage space should have been a huge red flag!).

So I have reset my weight tracker, and begin from here. My poor habits recently have not helped any of the issues that I have been facing, and have in fact only made me feel worse. So here’s to new beginnings, and not giving up just because we fall off track temporarily!!

As of this morning I am recommitting myself to my goal of healthy living.

Now, I haven’t fallen off the wagon too terribly. I have continued to lose weight, although at a much slower pace. More than anything, I feel as though I am maintaining instead of continually improving. I know that I must consistently challenge myself in order to continue on this journey at an acceptable pace to myself, and I am ready to do that.

I have decided to set a goal of weighing 180 by my 30th birthday, which is ten weeks from tomorrow. A very attainable goal.

And here is how I will accomplish this:

1. Recommit to drinking the correct amount of water. I have been slowly returning to my habit of diet soda, and I believe that this has contributed to my slowed down weight loss. So I have set a goal of 80 oz. per day.

2. Seriously increase my activity. Previously my back pain had slowed down my cardio activity, and I am now back to the point where I can start increasing activity. I am going to begin using my workout videos again, as opposed to only walking.

3. Redevelop a positive attitude. I need to believe that I can do this at a consistent pace, and not accept that a lost pound every other week is the best that I can do. I have done better, and I will do better!

So, that is the beginning of my new commitment to myself and my health.

Tonight I got to go out for a couple of hours (a rare occasion for me!), and I had a great time. But what made it even better was that I saw one of my close friends who I haven’t seen since last December, and she didn’t recognize me when I stood next to her! She recognized my sister, and then had to do a double take to realize who I was. She kept hugging me and saying “Oh my God! I didn’t even know that it was you!”. When you see yourself in the mirror everyday the weight loss doesn’t seem as obvious to you, so to have someone you haven’t seen during the process validate how different you look it is a great feeling! What a great motivation.

As of this morning, my official weight is 199. Finally, I have broken the 200 mark. I have not been under 200 in 9 years. What a wonderful feeling! My weight loss had seriously slowed down over the past month, and things are finally starting to progress again.

Today is a wonderful day! After finally breaking my plateau this week, I have officially lost 75 pounds and earned a silver star. This means that I hit my mini goal! And, just to top things off, one more pound and I am under 200! I have been waiting for a month to say that I have officially lost 75 pounds. Hooray!!

It has been a long week buddies!! I went out of town for my job interview, which I think went really well, but managed to come down with a horrendous cold. Haven’t really exercised at all this week, have just been way too congested and icky feeling.  I think it’s better to take a few days off and recover instead of making myself sicker.

I also spent several hours in the emergency room last night with my son. He was riding bikes with the neighbors and one of the kids was following too close behind him and ran into him, causing him to fall off his bike backwards. It opened up a gash in his back that was half an inch wide and almost as deep! Three hours and ten stitches later, we finally got home. He was very brave though, I was very proud of him! It’s been a long week, I really need a weekend!

The last few months have been tough for me financially. I was working in a position that didn’t use my degree, but was paying the bills (barely). I finally decided that I didn’t take out $40,000 in student loans to not utilize my degree. So I began to actively search for a new position, and realized that I am probably going to have to relocate to do so. It’s a scary thought, as I am a single mom with three kids.

However, I have two interviews next week for state positions that would pay me twice what I am earning now, and come with great benefits. Definitely worth relocation. Of course, this means getting myself physically and mentally ready for the interviews. And what did I discover? NONE of my interview clothes fit. They have been packed away since May, and I had never really thought about them. My current job allows me to wear casual clothes to work, so all of my “work” clothes sat packed away for months untouched. And they are all 22W. Hmm, I now wear a 16….

So I broke down and went and bought an interview outfit. (Remember, finances are really strained right now). It is such a great feeling to not shop in the “plus size” department. Of course I still need an XL, but that is a huge change from the previous 3x’s that I wore. And you know what? They have some really cute clothes in the regular sizes! Anyone who shops in the plus size departments knows how difficult it can be to find decent clothes that don’t look like tents, or that are unflatteringly cut for a larger body. Most of my shopping used to be about finding something that looked “decent”, not about finding things that I really liked.  It was such a wonderful feeling to look for a cute outfit, especially since I have been shopping in the plus size department for the past 12 years.

And on a stranger note, I did not buy any shoes because I had two pairs at home that would go really well with the skirt and blouse that I bought. The shoes have also been virtually unused since last spring. And when I tried the outfit on, both pairs of shoes are too big!! I never considered the fact that I also had plus sized feet, I just thought that I had big feet. So, now I have another excuse to shop.

The last couple of months have been slow going for me, with my weight loss decreasing dramatically. This is in part to a few weeks where my eating was off, and also I had a back injury that did not allow me to continually increase the exercise that I was doing.  In addition, I believe that it is also just a course of nature in which weight loss slows as my body has adjusted to my decreased calories and increased activities. I really can’t complain, as I have lost 73 pounds in just a little over 6 months. Whenever I start to feel less motivated, I just try to remind myself that I have already come a long way and I should be thankful for that, and that it is not worth it to ruin what I have already accomplished by reverting to my old habits.

This morning, feeling a little down because of my slowed weight loss, I decided to take measurements. I do not do this on a frequent basis, and often just rely on the scale. But since my last measurements at the end of July, I have lost 2 inches off of my waist. That means since I have started my journey I have lost a total of 12 inches off of my waist alone! My weight loss may have slowed, but my body is continuing to redefine itself. It really is about more than the scale!!

This has served as a reminder to me that this journey is not just about losing weight. It is about becoming a healthier, more active person who is not limited in what I can do by my weight. As a mother this is very important to me, as my weight not only affects me but my children as well. I want to be the kind of mother who can take her kids for bike rides and not feel embarrassed by the size of my butt on the seat and run out of energy after only a few blocks, I want to be able to take them to the movies and not embarrass them by not being able to fit into the seats, I want to just BE there for them! I do not want to have a heart attack or develop diabetes because I allow my eating to be out of control.  I do not want my children to be trapped by their weight as I have been, and that is all that really matters!

Remember, we are worth the effort that it takes to get healthy! It may seem easier sometimes to not care, and to continue eating as we have been so comfortable, but is it worth it? Is it worth it to not only have self esteem issues because of our weight, but also health issues? Is it worth it to teach our children the same poor eating and exercise habits that we have developed over the years, only to trap them in the same lifestyle that we have been trapped in? I think that this journey will start to become easier when we realize that this struggle isn’t just about looking better, it is about the quality of life that ourselves and our families are going to have from here on out. For me, this journey is not just about me anymore.

For all those who are struggling right now, (as we all do!), just remember that one bad meal, or even a bad week, does not mean that all is lost and that you should give up. Restart right now! Change is a difficult process, but over time the new behaviors become habits and it does get easier. It may not be something that will ever be second nature, but it will become easier. All that matters is that you keep trying! In the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson “Our greatest joy is not in never failing, but in rising every time we fail